Today, I had to go to the doctor for another appointment. It was one that I couldn't and didn't want to postpone. One of my best friends offers to take me, even though she will have to wait in the car for two hours. She is amazingly willing and understanding. Her sister brought me to another appointment two weeks ago, but in those two weeks our world has changed so much.
So I go, alone and more nervous about getting Coronavirus more than the actual reason why I am there. I make sure to touch nothing, barely sit on the edge of a chair and ask how frequently they are cleaning everything. I am reassured that they are all over this. I hesitantly take the receptionist pen to sign my name and immediately remind myself - GO WASH YOUR HANDS!
As I go back to get into the scrubs, I eye the bathroom and make a pit stop to wash my hands. I change into the scrubs and then again, wash my hands! Everyone that passes me has a mask covering their face. There is something a little unnerving about not seeing a person's reassuring smile.
Next is getting my IV and she had a difficult getting something tight enough on it. So blood just comes pouring out of my arm. We kind of joked that this would make a good story for later. It wasn't her fault.
On to the reason I was there, I needed to have a follow-up MRI to have a guided biopsy. Luckily, I still had more anti-anxiety medicine from the last MRI. My first MRI attempt only lasted 37 seconds, so the medication was a must! The second one went perfectly and this is now the third one.
As they started to slide me in I asked them to pause, as I could feel my anxiety raise and the tears start to roll down my face. I told them I just needed another minute. They very kindly rub my back and tell me "you got this Michelle." For this moment, I believe them! Honestly, this just had to be done, I needed the answer... whatever the case maybe. I am ready to find out.
So I go, listening to Bon Jovi through the headphones - this reminds me of good times with my best of friends and the concert this summer. I seem to be in this God forsaken tube longer than we had talked about it. I wonder if the contrast isn't working or are they are having trouble finding "the spot" like they did during the ultrasound?
They slowly slide me out of this contraption and tell me the doctor will be right in, but that I am not having a biopsy today. So what does that mean? The doctor walks in and says that what they were looking for is gone. He said bad things stay and good things leave. So for today, I am healthy with routine follow-ups!
Not sure how to wrap my brain around this except to just accept it what it is and be grateful in this moment. Then start the tears of relief.